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SCARS

by Una Walkenhorst

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1.
The leaves are changing colors, you haven't spoken to your brothers Since your head was full of hair And they're aching for your letters, but by now they know better Than to think that you still care And your sister had her baby, she believed that maybe His soft eyes would draw you near And she named him after you, but you haven't got a clue 'Cause all your mind's full of chaos and your belly's full of beer You're headed to the coast, but what you need most Sits a five minute walk away And she's making you throne, she's giving a home But you can't find the words to say I love you to your father, you don't even bother To wonder how long he has left And when one day when he's gone, when yousee where it went wrong And no gold can buy that old regret And you will share her bed tonight and watch her as she fights The monsters that you've planted in her mind Your cigarettes are on her deck, soft bruises on her neck And baby, that is all you've left behind
2.
To the Sun 03:10
Driving down this silent highway The fields are green with envy Speedometer is broken My stomach turns within me But you say it doesn’t matter now Because we’re driving to the sun Where fear goes to die And I’m the only one I’m tossing, turning, and fretting But you say we won’t regret it And you ain’t got no map But seem to know just where you’re headed And you say you’ll drive me to the sun Where the land is on fire But only the weak will burn And we’re too filled with desire
3.
Wooden Man 03:22
Well, I'll take this wood and I'll carve me man One with a perfect smile and perfect hands His voice will be yours, but he won't be you He'll be something better, he'll be something new Well, I'll take this wood and I'll carve me man One with a perfect smile and perfect hands His voice will be yours, but he won't be you He'll be something better, he'll be something new And he'll have the courage that you couldn't muster To love a woman, to be able to trust her He'll let down his guard when he confesses his love 'Cause she's the one he's after, the one he's dreamed of And I'll hollow out his chest and I'll give him a soul One I don't have to try and cajole 'Cause he'll wanna be mine, be as close as he can He'll never wanna leave, my Wooden Man Well, I'll take this wood and I'll carve me man One with a perfect smile and perfect hands His voice will be yours, but he won't be you He'll be something better, he'll be something new
4.
What It Is 03:56
Tell me who you are Tell me who you want to be I can take you there I can show you the key Show me where you sleep I'll lay roses round your bed And when the lights go out, go dark I'll lay my lips upon your head 'Cause This is who we are This is what we do I don't love you even though I want to But we'll all live right up until we die So I guess I might as well try This is what it is This is how it goes I'm a stranger even though nobody knows Maybe it's not me Maybe it's you, too Maybe everyone feels as alone as I do Tell me all your fears I'll fight them off with sword and shield But man-made armor will only get you so far The power's in the voice you wield Draw me a picture Of the way you wished I looked Collage of magazine bodies And damsels from your story books Cause This is who we are This is what we do Create dreams that never will come true Pick my mind my till I'm no longer living Hate me for being tired of forgiving This is what it is This is how it goes I'm a liar from my head down to my toes But sometimes the truth's not worth seeing I'd rather just keep on believing
5.
Traveler 04:01
I am a traveler I've forgotten what I'm seeking, but it probably doesn't matter, anyway And I've seen the ocean She held me in her arms and I fell asleep to her holy sway Well, the beat of my heart is steady And that's the only compass I'll need I'm getting ready I'm just waiting to end up where I'm meant to be I've met the desert He was an old man, all dried up, his mind had gone astray And I've walked through those canyons With loneliness in her heart, her emptiness slowly drove me away Well, the beat of my heart is steady And that's the only compass I'll need I'm getting ready I'm just waiting to end up where I'm meant to be I've slept in the sand dunes, I've kissed those mountains' peaks No, I haven't seen God, but I've seen beauty in these trees I've danced in the rivers, I've made those valleys yearn I don't care what's above, long as I can feel this planet turn Well, the beat of my heart is steady And that's the only compass I'll need I'm getting ready I'm just waiting to end up where I'm meant to be
6.
Here, my friend, is my heart on a string With it you may do most anything Trail me along with my own blood and skin Or keep me warm and let me in Here, my boy, are my arms for the taking Do with them what you will, but the bones are breaking You may mend them, you may skin them bare Or hold them in your own so they won’t go nowhere Here, my dear, is my mind for you to keep It ain’t much, but it don’t come cheap For it’s a strong one with walls thick as night And it’ll surely bite you back if you don’t treat it right And here, my love, are my eyes, oh, what they’ve seen With them you can look inside my dreams and you will see yourself as no one has before So,Baby, why you stallin’, tell me what for?
7.
Birdie 04:04
Here, my friend, is my heart on a string With it you may do most anything Trail me along with my own blood and skin Or keep me warm and let me in Here, my boy, are my arms for the taking Do with them what you will, but the bones are breaking You may mend them, you may skin them bare Or hold them in your own so they won’t go nowhere Here, my dear, is my mind for you to keep It ain’t much, but it don’t come cheap For it’s a strong one with walls thick as night And it’ll surely bite you back if you don’t treat it right And here, my love, are my eyes, oh, what they’ve seen With them you can look inside my dreams and you will see yourself as no one has before So,Baby, why you stallin’, tell me what for?
8.
Take It Back 04:41
In seventeen days I could walk to you 405 hours if I pushed straight through Through mountains, cities, valleys, and plains Babe, I risked it all for us So, you turned round showed me what I'm worth Well, I guess it wasn't much In five short months love can come undone New Years Eve in China Town and I was already so long gone Cause, baby, I get tired, too, fighting for it all And I'm carrying to much weight for you To catch you when you fall So, take it back, take it back, take it all back Count backwards from ten, let me start again Before it all went bad And give it back to me, back to me, give it back All the love I gave All the trust I had In two square miles so much life exists You can have the city, all I want is this Cause high rise towers and subway cars don't do shit for me And I don't need no cash or coin to let me know I'm free In one short year, lives can pull apart When someone only wants you once you break their heart But I'm done with giving one more shot When each bullet leaves a hole And all these lies and all this talk Has more than took it's toll So, give it back to me, back to me, give it all back Just breathe it in, the air is thin The lights are turning black And take it back, take it back, take it back This heart that you have mangled This backbone that you've cracked You pretend that this is not the end You pretend that we can still be friends But I've given up I've given up I give up
9.
I Believed 03:24
Your bathroom floor is covered in my vomit Your hallway walls are dirtied from my skin And I can’t win ‘Cause it’s either live alone or die with you And I’ve seen what lonesome can become A sinking ship, a loaded gun And, baby, I am through Your drawers are full of my forgotten clothing I’ve sixteen dollars wedged between your sheets And I can’t eat ‘Cause I’m focused on remembering your touch But I know that I’ve been here before I’ve seen this battle, fought this war And, baby, it’s too much 'Cause, Baby, I believed My sunken heart sits upon your desk The wind blows through the hole inside my chest
10.
Close your eyes You’re naked by my side Limbs wrapped around The parts we try to hide But it’s not your fault These things I have said And you’ll be mine At least while you’re in my bed Take your time The sun’s not up quite yet The light is calm With your hand upon my neck Your fingers dance Down the arch of my spine You are still And I am fine But it’s not your fault These things I have said And you’ll be mine At least while you’re in my bed
11.
Fish 03:45
There's still treads in the drive from where you parked Still bowls in the sink from when you broke my heart I was too tired to clean them Now there's mold growing in between them Still find wife beaters in my bed Still have these thoughts floating through my head Of LA where smog fills our lungs Where you're not so old and I'm not so young I know, I know, the fish and the sea they always say I know, I know, this game that we're all supposed to play But, babe, this empty room, it echoes loud I know I'm selfish, for this I am not proud Oh, but it's your hands that me sailing straight And loneliness seems like the cruelest fate This bed of mine still knows your shape I don't love you, but still I wake Expecting your arms around This land you've claimed you found Now we don't talk and we don't share And I just can't stand this stale air You say the pain's too real But now I'm left with nothing else to feel I know, I know, the birds, they peck, and the bees, they sting I know, I know, giving up is the hardest thing But, babe, if you leave now, you're not coming back And when you yell, I don't know how to act 'Cause I am scared and I am young and I am torn But you're not leaving me with much to mourn There's still treads in the drive from where you parked But my soul no longer bears your mark
12.
Scars 05:05
So, have you lost them yet? All these things you're trying to forget Like the man you've become, like the sound of the hum From the plane that I rode home And the way that you've marred what was left of a heart So it's easier to be alone Now, a lover is a curse A lie or alone, I don't know which is worse 'Cause if you never fall, you're immune to it all And you'll never have to know What it's like to exist as a name on a list Of places not to go And I am starting to see I never needed you like you needed me 'Cause, my dear, you're a coward, just hungry for power But I will not let you win For my voice and my heart, every piece, every part Are stronger than my skin And for those too afraid to see what you have made Their paths will wander on But I'm more than my scars, more than yours, more than ours And sometimes you just need to be gone

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released July 1, 2014

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Una Walkenhorst Kansas City, Missouri

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